Long day again yesterday.  Life is not easy at the moment.  I only have myself to blame.

Days without porn:  8
I'm still having no desire to watch porn whatsoever.  Entirely the opposite.  Last night I got furious at my girlfriend when she suggested that I wanted to keep watching it.  I was scared.  I've almost never been that angry before.  I feel terrible for scaring her.  The suggestion just makes me so angry.  Porn is a horrible horrible thing that has ruined my life.  The thought of going anywhere near it again disgusts me.
On the other hand, I've been having strong sexual desire for my girlfriend at times.  That's no good when we're in the situation that we're in but I take it as a positive sign.

Days without alcohol:  8
Alcohol is still a much bigger problem to me.  This is especially because it is something I immediately turn to when I'm down and I've been down a lot this past week.  Again yesterday on several occasions I had a powerful desire to go and get drunk to take the pain away, but I stopped myself.  It's hard and I sometimes wonder why I keep going but I (eventually) remember that there are people who care about me and I can't let them down.  At this stage that's often all that keeps me going.  I know I need to do this for myself but right now I don't value my own worth very highly so that doesn't have much impact on me.  I hope one day soon it will.