I'm getting to the stage where I'm too tired to really remember anything that's happening.  I know I'm not relapsing and I don't think I'm getting many cravings, but I'm having a lot of guilt and not very much sleep.

Days without porn:  9
The only problem I'm continuing to have with porn is my worrying reaction when it is suggested to me that I want to keep looking at it.  It makes me so angry it scares me.  I've got therapy with a sex specialist tomorrow with my girlfriend, and I'm speaking via email to another professional with considerable expertise.  Lots of the things he says are right.  I need to send him an email soon but I'm too tired to even think about that right now.

Days without alcohol:  9
Still difficult.  This is probably because I've isolated myself through my actions and even though alcohol has helped me in certain social situations it's when I'm alone with it that it bothers me the most.  Especially when I'm leaving the flat after an argument I've inevitably caused to go to work where I feel like they don't like me because I'm constantly missing shifts.

I'm very worried for my girlfriend and that's also getting me down.  After an extreme incident yesterday we managed to get her to a doctor today to talk about (talking about) her problems with me and her history.  I feel so bad for what I've done to her and I'm so scared she's going to hurt herself.  I want to get drunk and wallow in a ditch somewhere.

 But I'm not going to.